ON THE GO-OF GOD

                                                   
what part of the illusion am i not getting?
if no-thing is here, including myself (including my "thing"- now, thats a big one to take into "my" consciousness!) who then is doing all this "conceptual" art/work?
call me a dick head, if you'd like, because i am thinking (hear) it is all connected - one way or another - to my "thing" wanting in on the {creative} action, for it is connected to "me", the way i am to god, no?

evidently, i am having this obsession over creating...that is, i am creating over my limit of the "space" at hand in which i have to save!  does any other artist deal with this issue?  why do we create if we have to release it ?

if i am wanting to do a cabbalistic (spell check-ed up to "cannibalistic") rite to The Word...i can see GOD
                                         as :     G- the giver of life
                                                    O- the observer of life and
                                                    D- the destroyer of life

so whats my fucking problem? (ought i eat god, like a good christian, and burp my karma to hell?)
if god can ...i'd rather choose "dis-create" than destroy...why am "i" having such a friggin hard time over it?
and go know, he has all the space in the world (right?!) to save if he wants to, and still destruction comes! 
maybe "transform" is the best re-placement?

maybe -just maybe- i am working out "my" way to enlightenment by releasing illusion after illusion! i have heard from enlightened masters that after the ego gos, the last to go is the thought of god, go know!
is it possible that enlightenment too is just another illusion in this mind game of gods?  if god created man as his companion, is it a possible thought he wasnt having enough fun just playing with himself? (not to press any gay buttons here, but why didnt god create a woman first? hmmm, maybe in other creation stories before the male matrix came into power by force, She did?)

somewhere in a box - still to be reckoned with : (as in) "does this stay or is this too on the GO OF god?"- is my set of "color forms"...those neon-primary colored shapes of thin plastic that a child could stick to the fridge if one lost his/her originally included laminated board. as an artistic fledgling, i was out finding other creative places to stick them...like on the tv, on my head, or down my pants, go know! now, what if color forms are the key to all creation?

sorry "my" mind could just not stop there : what if we took the "color" away and just replaced the word with "thought" ? then we'd be playing with "thought forms", right!
ohh, now this is very appealing to a conceptual being such as myself...never mind the man who was his own grandfather, could it be that i am my own creation of a thought form ?
ok, god, stick me wherever you like ( just not too fast on the earth again, please)!
but dear me, if i am my own thou-ght form, do i need to release my self in the end to reach the god head?

why do we create if we have to release the creation?
maybe it would do me good to consider this thought:  "why work oneslf up to a climax if not to have an orgasm ?"

i have succeeded again to blow myself away! ulti-mately, this is the rush i get out of creating!

love you got

                                                                

WE ARE ALL DYING TO FIND OUR LIFE PURPOSE

                                                      come on god, brigadoon me!


god, how many courses have i seen advertised about finding one's life purpose ?
{could be as many as the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin  -  although there has been some
confusion about that...even as far back as the midevil daze} and never mind any 12 step program...its just one big leap ( for spiritual-kind ) as far as i am aware of such!
we are here {dare i speak up for all?} to re-member GOD! and nothing more !

kinda makes a farcical circus about all the stuff we think...we are...going through!
like all those boxes i am going through ( to find myself ?) in order to remember not to put myself into any box...any more, if i ever did ( more than the "human" one, that is !) and at this point pining for a pine one, doesnt matter  - one way or another ; simply put : we are all dying to find our life purpose ! 
(god, you know what i mean!)

besides being a self professed fool, (conceptual - more than not) artist (cum visual poet) comes closest to what has given me meaning here so far {whilst not forgetting the irreverent reverend that i am ,as well }and here-in  lies the rub (a dub dub) :
           how can i be releasing my physical creations ( the by products of  "my" imagination ) and still   be who   i believe i am?  all of this that i am doing is in order to make the move  "down under Down Under" a lighter trip...so why on earth am i "all-owing" my self to get upset about all this...when  i am in Truth if not just a divine thought by god,  not here at all?  ( is ego-bashing spiritually correct?)

i look out my hell's kitchen studio window and see how the pricey condos and shi-shi shops are closing in...literally "they" are taking away our sky, pulling up our sidewalks! (go know, maybe the drug pushers and prostitutes who gave this place its character when i first got here, werent so bad after all!)
there is the still the drilling of the blasted water tunnel going on one block over. (hey, i wonder if i can collect anything from the government for being shell shocked  - even though in reality i am not wanting to collect anything more these days than my self composure?)
there is con ed out front digging up the street.
there is the construction of a gay bar happening directly under me...soon to open, and thereafter to be open from 11am-4am ! i dont have to wait for any greater shift to happen, the floor as i write, is literally doing that under me now!
i want out of here!!!

there has not been a day in three years  that i have not felt, "i'd rather be in tassie!"
and yet the time(ing) must be right...this we know, and by choice -
the completion of one creation before moving on to the next. (how many times did it take god to get this one right?)  (hmmm, but did she ???)  is that what  i am/we are  here for?
personally, i am not into multi-tasking; and if i choose to not work with even "call waiting" - and we are not talking cell or smart phones even - then parallel universes can be put on hold for sure too!

let me live one life at a time...however more and more, god knows,  i cant help it,  i am becoming aware that i am living multi-dimensionally (which spell check just wanted to change to "dementia'") !

i am re-learning, by god.
i am re-membering my life purpose...but,
come on god, brigadoon me...just for today!

love you got

I AM A RE-CREATION SPECIALIST

i have spent two days this week reviewing two boxes overflowing with headlines which i once thought i'd use in my collage work. imagine the time it took me to "read" the papers that way...after all were done with them, that is ! it came naturally to me by seeing the double meanings and all the ways the words were meant for playing but weren't...no matter how closely they were set.

when did my addiction begin? looking back, i believe i had my first "rip fix" before i did the pleasure of masturbating...long before becoming a man at 13!  maybe that is why i have never felt any difference between the creative act (which is always a spiritual one in my mind anyway) and the erotic one (any way)...coming like an artful expression, out of my mind!

i know i havent ripped any news up of late, (not physically, anyway!) however the occasional candy wrapper on the street is still picked up...with playfulness in mind, yet i have not been lacking in my erotic undertakings one bit!  underlining my creations forever it seems now, is no doubt the desire for recognition ( i'm an artist, what's your excuse?) to wit : "see how brilliant i am !"

i needed that ( like most artist's in sight) since i wasnt for playing with the "how to succeed in business" route which my brothers were getting off on...go know, i'm still not!

the  two above mentioned boxes are just the tip of "the iceberg hits the headline" story.

 

in some way, "having (all that) stuff" kept me grounded, kept me here. god knows where i'd be without it...however now  i mean to find out! i know i needed to get to this point to recognize, acknowledge, and ulti-mately  feel it no longer serves me...never mind i havent done anything with it, but move it from one place to another...i'm OK! - there are worse things to drag about...like empty hearts, and hateful minds!

 



i just sent a "found poem" from my fodder to my earth angel who is assisting me with "letting go"... in actuality, "lift off" is in my face! upon realizing i may have saved even more than jesus, she just delivered my next lesson ( and i am sharing it for the highest good of all - the reason all art is ):

here's a question: what are you choosing that you could be truly loosin' ...that if you lost it, it would change all realities and non-realities and manifest as the pure, radiant YOU in bliss, and your dream life - beyond your imagination - with total ease?

what are you refusing, that you could be truly choosin' ... that if you chose it . it would change all realities and non-realities and manifest as you BEing, receiving and Knowing YOU?

 

 

LIKE, WOW, WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE? (what a present!!)

 

love you got

AS ABOVE SO DOWN UNDER

    "Let the Heavens move you,"  comes like the wind  ( through, the will "oh"s )

"there is Nothing...more for you to do."

yesterday my mother told me she is leaving me
her wedding rings

 plus her brownie recipe

( that is to die for )

 today in the letting go of my fodder
saved for creating

( without a passing in mind )

it came to me that i am
still creating
a life of inspiration

real eyes sing:
i am addicted

to wonder, with The Mother

coming as my fix


love you got

GET THE PICTURE

all i wanted

to be / i am

all i wanted /

to have i got

love you got

BEING IN THE HEAR...AND NOW

now

as i am

listening deep

within my meditation, this is

 where i am in mind wanting to land and 

 

love you got

SURRENDER DOROTHY

if i only had those shoes

i wouldnt have to be going through all that

 i am, emptying out my house

love you got

THE BEST IS YET TO COME...

!

one

must face

 every move like

a death,  like a rebirth

knowing the best is yet to come .

there is no beginning or end  in taking in

this mirth  - like some kind of spiritual dividend -

for being here on earth

for when one is one

with god, one can be

by  god,  anywhere

and  intuit : it will

not   matter  one

bit  whatsoever 

now forever more!

love  you got

JESUS RISING

                                       WHY IS THIS MATZOH (apparently) DIFFERENT ?

with jesus being this agent of rising to wit

its as if my matzoh is flying ;

now its  simply up to me

to have him

be

the one

to make me

in Reality so filled with such levity

  that nothing more will matter than getting to tassie!

love you got

KEEP THE CHEF IN SHEFFIELD

i am outstanding in my field ... cooking up creations

which are out of this world ,

however the question

still remains how

do i get it all

there

?

i

now

could be out

standing anywhere

 on this eARTh and still just Be wanting

 to go Down Under where my heART on tassie is full of wonder.

   the mural fest is on right now, and sheffied no doubt is missing two guests :

never mind "next year in jerusalem", i request in sheffield may we be!

this divine art piece above belongs to andrew

who drew it with love and just

as  i am drawn to his art

tassie is drawing

me

love you got



THE NIGHT BEFORE PASSOVER

{not "bell, book, and candle"!}

i know there must be a name for tonight...when i dropped out on my way to becoming a rabbi, i let go of all that stuff!

hell's kitchen is not jerusalem, however one does see a variety of ethnic groups here still.

on my walk with ram dass (the dog, not the guru...well, he is my guru in reality, the way he loves me unconditionally!) each morning i pass a few moslem woman walking their kids to school, as well as the few hassids (which spell check wanted to correct to "hay seeds"!) who seem to have strayed from the diamond district.

there is one older one in particular who i have been acknowledging with a nod for several years.  he always looks down (at the pavement)...maybe he is shy or timid, or go know, looking for collage material the way i still do occasionally. he always carries a brief case in one hand and small black bag in the other. it is this one that reminds me of the ones moils (official circumcisers) use...yes, i remember this "bris kit", above all ( and keep a safe distance...even if its his lunch box) !

one day a few months ago,  he "noticed" me...and started to respond to my "good morning"s with a smile. last week he actually stopped and touched me on the arm saying, "one day we need to talk."

although we come from the same tribe (  if we sat down to discuss from where we have come, before we'd be getting back to adam, we'd find a common relative, no doubt) i  however no longer identify with those old religious customs and beliefs...but my roots are my roots! i was never orthodox. i was brought up as a conservative, and yet now nothing can reform me any more than i am, for i am more like a "jew- bu" (a jewish buddist ), if anything - at one with all!

i do remember some observances.

[ i also remember the first time i ate bread on passover , as well as eating chopped liver on yom kippor, and  having bacon with cheese  (a double no-no ) and not being struck down by lightening! dating a shicksa was a bit different, dating a goy boy  trickier, but dating a rabbi - oy, dont ask! ]

so on the night before passover, after all one's dishes ( for both meat and dairy, as well as any items that are not "kosher for passover" ) have been "sold" to a non-jew (until the end of the holiday when they are bought back) one goes around the home looking for any bread crumbs (that might have been over looked by the search party from the land of milk and honey) with a candle, a feather, and a wooden spoon. talk about a ritual for getting rid of stuff! to my mind, this is going overboard ( although, on the other side, i do have a few elderly black lady friends who worked as domestics, who tell me they got a whole new set of pots and pans, and dishes from their employers when they forget the change over)!

and so i got together the items in the above photo, put them in a beautiful sheer white bag with this poem, and when i saw my distant relative this i did pass over (the above and below) to him:

                                                             Happy Passover

                                                             a little gift

                                                             with which

                                                             to clean up

                                                             whatever chumutz * remains

                                                             with a prayer to wit

                                                             that The One above might                                        

                                                             do with the Earth's schmutz ** 

                                                             the same, with Love.

and when i gave it to him, his eyes lit up like christmas trees, go know!

*      anything with a leavening agent

**    dirt

love you got

ps: on this day did i also pass over to my moslem woman friend a book for her childern all about egypt, her homeland. either the gods of egypt and israel love me for embracing each one, or love me for just the rite side of my brain...as a half wit; in any case, how can i go amiss  - and if i have, dear god, hold the plagues, please, until i have risen!

I AM STILL HERE

i am still here, waiting for god, my prime mover, to move me

...down under (or over the rainbow)

i thought by now, i'd be in tassie - no april foolin' around! evidently that is not in the divine plan for now.

trust and patience i have heard does the trick...so "do me, do me" i am now putting out for heaven to hear... (never mind "next year in jerusalem")!  if its true that good things come to those who wait, it has to be fucking good what i will be getting!!

sometime back in oct i wrote an "art-tickle" about the tolled end of our daze..."coming to a mental theater nearer you than god"... real soon! besides my pilgrimage story {titled "enlightenment with laughter" which is also how i have been signing off for what seems like an eternity}of waiting for the space ships that never came (never mind my friends singing, "they're coming to take you away...")[ its hard to fit a a straight jacket on a gay man, you know!] in 1987 (reading that aztec calendar was after all then like reading a rolling stone still gathering the lost tribe...) i also wanted to say that if it did happen, i wanted to make sure for one last time i got to communicate "happy valentines day", "happy april fools", "i love you"...so there!

well, go know,i did, and  i am still here! christmas, valentines day and april fools too have come and gone!!

and yesterday some celebrated jesus riding his ass into the city of peace.

does a butterfly have any idea what its previous self had to go through? would it be one it if it knew what must come to pass in order to become one?  "hey, i think i will just pull up a leaf and wait for god knows what to come"..."( i ) pulled into nazareth , half past late..." begins the song "the weight", sung by the band, but the rarely heard arrangement i love best is done by the rotary connection. i still space out hearing the first few bars opening the doors to my perception of being somewhere else - even without playing the record! like i can be centered in god, and loving it,( whats not to love?") however i do know with just one false move into a thought less than light - BAM! and man,  i'll tell ya, the fall out is hell! (for this reason inside my smoking jacket i carry a body size rubber mat and a fire extinguisher!!) 

pardon me while i finish de-frosting my freezer.

{god, what on earth were those red slippers doing in there?}

back to that art-tickle ...it got picked up by a goddess and who put it on her in site which got a few ETs knocking at my pc, plus an angel, who got me to rite more. {the last laugh is always shared by the fool's sheep.}

yesterday i was up in my meditation room at the zendo dada and looking over my fabric collection from the maya...alas, moths had come early for their last supper. i was gifted to see the opposite of weaving could be either "being eaten" or "coming undone". when i was eaten this morning, i came undone... but my treasured weavings on the other hand could only be both, and the more devastating of the two interpretations!

my beautiful quetzalcoatl rug from mitla mexico, woven by my "abuelita" was now almost a shroud, and no longer up for tourin....maybe those moth balls were like spanish fly to those conquestedoring horny and hungry moths, going at the woven plumed serpent looking like many of my relatives like chickens without their heads at the chicken liver molded into a larger than life chicken at a bar mitzvah buffet...before the dinner!

again, like a plague i am forced to confront...did i save it for it to come to this?

would i have been too busy packing up all my egyptian souvenirs to miss the only ride out to the red sea with moses?

if i had no processions ( this is totally laughable, right now!) i would be in tassie already.

i know i must stop riding my ass for all that i have and love...but  i do know, this iron butterfly door stop will be the first to go at the garage sale...coming soon!

love you got

APRIL SHOWers BRING MAY FLOWers

a bit over the top

so

if one is

going to put on a show,

 and tell that koan about what

may flowers may bring after april has her

showing us who's holding the reins, could one say that

more than the pilgrims coming, may delivers the may tricks?

so to wit i am becoming more and more a ware of all

that i knead i already have in hand, or i am

 game to find that i have it coming to me - 

leaving me wet & wild for playing

with my april shower cap

on like a fool out

of his mind

love you got