MERZ, SEE ME !

heres to hugo ball...and i will too
heres to kurt schwietzer...and his "merz"
here's to marcel duchamp...and his "ready mades"
heres to all those dadas and MoMas, forerunners of conceptual and pop
who inspired me to be the art that i am, with no misgivings.

i had no idea that what i was making was dada...until someone pointed that out to me;
and then later with having my collages labeled as "zen dada", i chose to let it stick.

while some read newspapers, i would rip them... magazines too, and just about anything
that appeared with words. i would then juxtapose an image or two (hardly more -
thats where "the zen" comes in) or sometimes just another word or two to twist the word
to cast another meaning...the more i would make the more profound were my findings:
like after finding an empty can washed up on the beach with "shell" printed on it, manifesting
the perfect fit of another can with "pearl" printed on it came just like that!

and now i am in the process of "letting it all go with god" (would just half do?)

i feel like i hit the jackpot today going through my fodder!!!
i found a photo of myself with my one time best friend skippy from 1972
when we were tripping in the graveyard of the old church in bergen (NL)
dating back to napoleon! (talk about being a bone apart with those betty davis eyes!!)
and then another one of me sneaking into view (posed of course)
in my rainbow coat created  from my old drapes, with my blue velvet bell bottom
pants cut in half and sewn in for sleeves, sporting a colander on my head for a hat (i recall
doing that at the age of 6 even!)
to match mercury's , behind a bunch of navy guys who lived around the corner
from me and mama on 14 and 1/2  St in virginia beach...behind the miniature golf course
with the huge pink elephant that poked its nose into our bedroom too often for my taste!
{one must be very exact for what one wishes to manifest! i had projected the perfect position
by the water within a loving community. go know if i wasnt sent a job to be teaching art
to The Navy...never mind the possibly of going down with the ship - which wasnt that
unpleasant of a thought when  matching up the word seamen to semen - but was everyone
on board, including the captain, pretending to be gay, or was all that just a result of all the LSD
the crew consumed on hand outs from the head nurse cum medicine man... who just for fun
one evening drove us up to the pentagon on a fast trip and then at the gate after flashing his
official pass, said, "oh, sorry, we must have made a wrong turn", and headed back home} go know,
years later if when i showed this photo to a friend who lived high in a 5th ave pent house, that
if the person next to me wasnt her son!
and the last - maybe 10 postcards of the girl with the pearl earring by vermeer,
purchased in den haag the same year i was part of "the experiment in international living"
and instead of living like a diplomat, went off to camp on the beach where i became the
head freak of "the monkey family" having our own experiment in cosmic living!
it was a special day i had there in the museum with her (tripping of course, as museums seemed
at that time to be my chosen place of  "energy gathering and releasing" ) because her image presided
over the room above the crown supermarket in bridgeport where i first experienced "IT"
 in the middle of our ongoing sensitivity group (c 1968) before ever doing any drugs!

i have just realized that although i have not yet dropped the body i am getting a head start
on my "life review"...and what could be more divine than to have the grateful dead, sly and
the family stone, rotary connection, and janice joplin all jamming away as i unjamed what i thought
i had been bred for?

mercy me, (merz,see me!) some things are just too good to give back to the rubbish!

love you got

I GOT A BIT OF A BUZZ THERE

to bee or not to bee ?

( here i am in the shakespeare garden  circa 1977)

as long as one is

aware of how long

a prick takes

to get into a hand

one can run

to make one's honey

behind the back of any misbehaving bee keeper

ram dass

says  in no time at all

" bee quick about it!"

love you got

BESIDES THE FEAR OF FLYING I HAVE...

my love was working hard on

a crossword puzzle last week at the zendo dada

when he asked me the name of the person who wrote

 the fear of flying

( four letters...going down )

i had it on the tip of my tongue

something like "jung" - but not

somehow just like in mind still 

i do (have) the story

i was told as a jung child about the man

who killed seven { flys } in one blow!

then go know

the next day as i was sorting through all my art fodder for collage

{ which by now, even if given 7 more lifetimes to come,

i couldnt make everything i once had  in mind

to make  

except  for whats behind my love's fly 

- oh my! }

 what then comes into my hand

if not erica jong's marriage announcement from the new york times (c 1995?)

now, whatever pocessed me to rip and save it

{ if the name rip torn wasnt already somebody's, i'd have that pun hung for mine}

other than to make another "juxtapostion by U-sage"  for playing

on flying and flys and fly paper

and zippers i do not recall

so with no reason at all, sir

and dip us-ly it all has all come into play

again and i'll call it art still

just because i have the balls to

(not giving a flying fuck if another gets it or not)!

zip a dee do dada

 {i got flys on my mind!}

love you got

THE BLUE MOON

i know

it was

( like a blue moon ago)

however out of the blue now

i am just getting around to enter this  :

i had heard before that it was

by no mistake going to be out of sight ...

it was the blue moon's time again

to be hanging out tonight

and yes, even from inside i could see sublimely

it was up there alright coming in

wide with the offering of Her divine light ...

and so just

before going to bed myself

next with the remembrance of a faerie rite

i felt i wanted to take

in a deeper look at that autumnal orb

then it was that mother called

from her room

(already snug in bed after all

of our hugs for the night) saying that she wanted now

to have a view of  "the bride dressed in white" too

Goddess love her, to honor her as i do

humbly (but not too soon) i said to wit, "mumsie

there is just so much i can do as your son ;

i cannot bring the moon from the sky in here for you!"

then i remembered delightfully

that old zen move of how to move a mind

to surrender : i went outside

with a bucket filled with water

to catch the moon's reflection

and brought it back inside for her

(in fun - as a mind-bender can be) to see

The Beauty of The Mother

that had been just a second

ago only in the sky.

lets face it, inspiration comes from one

of those "undisclosed places" -

no matter from above or below/within - 

and thats when it hit me :

" fuck the bucket, boy,

nows the time to crack open that bottle of moon shine !"

and so it was up

at the zendo dada (that)

mother and son and moon

shine shone under one roof

as one (and as a group)

making the art of reality

as we "no" it ...go POOF!

my mother

the cover girl says,

" now wipe that smile off

your face! "

love you got

STILL WORKING ON THE MISSION OF RELEASING

i have come to understand releasing

in a way is re-leasing creativity

in another dimension

nothing gets destroyed

in the illusion

of having

...

i began with the fodder

in the sun

reviewing my life's worth of workship

and saving yet from the trash

a few still "must haves " :

some photos and the A&P store opening map

from supermarket sunday celebrated with my merry heartperson

 in her 50s prom dress and elbow length sheer gloves from the salvation army...

a map from seashore state park (va. beach)

where i  hung mirrors from  the trail's trees

and landed out in a pond to nakedly ponder

mother nature and a reverend mother's reflections...

a notice of a reading to be given at the local library

(given to my mother by my uncle)

by a certain bill (no relation to john henry)

who mistakenly thought he could hammer me

in the boys room on the weekend we were painting

scenery for the high school drama club ...

an annie sprinkle finger puppet, where you can let your fingers

do the walking - or whatever...

handed out from her "public cervix announcement"

{where my love also won her hot underwear}

and

a cartoon from my first walk-in friend, david,

(who was gay before he walked out - but not after)

who invested some money for me that got me a quick return

with enough to head

off to quetzalcoatl's tree at el tule outside oaxaca in 1987

reading, "after deep meditation i have decided that there can be

no inner peace without financial security"

and thats just the tip...

love you got

TODAY ( FOR MY BIRTHDAY ) I GIVE MYSELF AWAY

the fool on the hill

(of montclair)

registering high in the 60s
and

 honored by being

one in who's who in american collages

and still now
knowing joy is being in the present

 honored by being

 one registered in the academy of fools
and

 faithfully having sung for my dinner last night
 in my own rite

"will you still love me when i am 64?"

love you got

TALK ABOUT HEAVEN

after i had this one

angel from on high

speak to me this morning

 {The Way she did }

my brains got fried

so i am now handing in my resignation to every one

hear : that i am no longer here

to be serving

any one

anything

The Truth has set me free !

only in this die

men shun

can there be

an " i "

 who loves you

we all came

here to experience the Illusion

all for the admission price of an ego.

so who am i

to say

... anything more?

never the less love

you got