SHOT : PUTTING THE ART...BEFORE THE HORSE

god is the one

who makes the art

i am the one who puts all the profound pieces together

only an illusion would want hold on

to another illusion

what in Reality is an artist other than being a ware of The Divine

(beauty in all)

heaven is

just between me and my creator

( i am

ready to free my self from my creations

as soon as this ego will release this illusion of who

i am )

love you got

LIFE (@) 101

when i found this object i thought "oh what a profound sign of The Divine!"

coming to mean kindly ever so in my mind : "Handle with Care." 

my subject ( in search of an object, never mind a verb )

saw it de-signed instead to be read (in another con-

text) : "The more I live, the more I object!"

i am aware that all of reality lies inside one's head

... no matter how absurd it is to observe;

and that every objet d'art might

be attracting its own dart

to hit or be "missing

the mark".

however clever by all means,  it seems with 101 years up her sleeve today, 26 III 2012 

 i'd say yolanda is far from dead yet!

this is my friend yolanda franco. she doesnt know why god is still keeping her here. nothing is wrong with her mind...other than that she cant stand dumb people {if that is wrong}...and well, her body is healthy because she ate healthy all her life, only now she's sorry for that {if that is wrong} ...she just cant walk. she refuses to be hoisted into a wheelchair by the ever changing aids, and so she stays in bed, remembering her life, "the way it was"! she is forever telling us on each weekend's visit about all the things she had in her house on main street [which is now a shop called milk weed - in honor of her favorite flower] in which she lived  for 97 years ...looking after both her mother and brother (until he married and lived next door with martha - named after one of the sweedish kings twin's daughter - for whom martha and her twin's father had worked as a gardener). martha now (close to 100 herself ) is up in bethany village since her husband passed; go know, yolanda was never invited into their home!

we are yolanda's family now. 
she feels she is of no use to anybody now; i keep telling her she lives to tell us her stories! (we know all the gossip of town - since she moved there, and who is related to whom. she still remembers as the librarian who took out what book, and who never paid their fine!)
she mourns over where all her things have gone: her saved letters from her (gay, we suspect) boyfriends (who were coming to see her brother, we also suspect), the poetry books of edna st vincent melley, the pressed flowers , the pieces of italian lace, her jewelry...everything!
when she went into the nursing home, no one told her it was for "good" (and really, it isnt! its just because she couldnt look after herself anymore that she landed there)! if she could walk, she'd run miles around all the others in there...including the staff! she loves to talk about cooking and we share recipes...she cant stand what they serve there...including the mushy vegetables. she is sad that she never had her own house in the country with a porch and garden. she loves beautiful things, and if she would have not been such a servant to her mother and brother, she would have been an artist, like them. she is not the least vain, however celebrates that she always came first in her mind; she is not ashamed one bit for who she is!

she still saves, grasping at the last straws, the plastic forks and spoons, the paper napkins...just to "have"!
and yet she knows she will be leaving one day...to where she is not sure; "how can you believe in a man who died over 2000 years ago" she keeps asking.  she still cant quite figure out if i am jewish why am i a minister and not a rabbi, and how can it be that i have no sin or hell in my "religion"...or no "the" in "glenn of trees". she thinks my mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she adores ( like loves! ) my man! yolanda cant understand why gays are not accepted like anybody else; she  has a hard time with germans, martha, anybody who becomes a roomate...and not knowing what happened to all her things.

i look at this being and relate so to "the" knowing  of what it is to be missing "my things"...still, as i am consciously letting go! thats why you are still here, yollie; you are my teacher!
she keeps saying how much she'll miss us when we are in tasmania; i keep telling her, we're still here...just like she is ...for now!

i feel we "get" old when we turn serious...maybe she is really 201 today?
god knows, heaven's kitchen ( she is open to hell's kitchen too- loved the canolli we bought her from there!) will have to be ready for the way she wants her peanut butter sandwich!

happy birthday yolanda,
love you got


SPRING vs BOING

the flowers just know

when to pop

i do not need to make a point any more

about how creative i am being

here in the flow

love you got

HITTING THE NAIL ON THE HEAD

ok, i get it!

 " you cant take it [all ] with you !"

 if marie antoinette would have kept her head about herself

and left her crown behind as she was leaving paris

she would have kept both her head and her crowned behind!

i am a just a paradise princess
waiting for the crowning touch of tasmania!
i cant be losing my head now over the royal tease that i am getting
just thinking about what to take and what to leave ... that doesnt do me justice
nor help bring about peace of mind. i do know for sure i dont need this mania at all!

love you got

ITS MY BAG...WITH OUT A DOUBT

its my bagdad

 

 its my bag dad

 

its my dag bag

love you got

THE TAO OF POO

just dont think about what you have

left behind

life is full of moving experiences...all i want today is to "Be still and know that I AM..."

god, still  Being itself carries within it "stuff" - until we are interred ; so i present to myself, presently, "how much do i really want to "No" the path of least resistance?"

i am believing, if one is unable to sift through his shit now, then when the shift comes, somehow to wit, he'll have a lot more through which to plow.

love you got

STAGE ONE OF THE SHI(F)T

go know, some people have an easier time of it than others when getting rid of their shit!
some even sell their shit! some will even buy other's shit! {man, that is good shit! put that in your pipe and smoke it!}
i know i have got good shit...other wise why on earth would i have saved it?

this is stage one of the shift for me! (maybe its stage 2...if i count moving my shit out of my parents home!)
i am moving out of 5 RE 411...the apt in hell's kitchen into which i moved over 30 years ago!
i took over renting it from the man who offered me his rubber vagina for an experience ( it was an experience that didnt move me...not when i knew the real thing!) before he joined the moonies!

the shit hit the fan last month when it was discovered this was not my full time residence.
when i moved into my love's ( just down the block on 10th ave) i sublet this place to friends so that they too would have a good rent (stabilized apt.)...i often joked that my rent was so good that i couldnt afford to move out of new york city!

and so i am helping to move my "roomie poo" up to washington heights today. {even though i never really lived there with him, we technically shared it.}
what i will miss most is the tiny bathtub in the kitchen between the stove and the wc...and the widow out of which i could only see sky ( not really caring if the man across the air shaft was getting his rocks off by looking in ) in which i wrote my poetry...late in the night or early in the day, depending on how one choose to see it.... my tenement pent house (aka the phallus palace)! {not that it matters here, but  maybe it will when the maya return, that in the yucatan at uxmal, there was a phallus temple! when i came upon that marker in the jungle i said "oh, this is where i would like to meet the buddha!}

when i moved my shit out of 411 it took one hired truck load and several weekends in winter by car up to the zendo dada in pa.
this is the next place where the letting go of shit needs to be...before we can actually get to Oz.

so heres to all those parties, all those good and wonderful times in the tub and up on the roof...and where i staged my funeral before i went off to mexico for the harmonic convergence...not knowing who was going to walk in! most of all i will remember that in this space, i was lifted up and taken into space by a glowing ball of light...this being just the second time i have shared this information.

just look at that giant step for mankind up to the toilet! man, it really kept me on my toes when i had to take a leak! ok ...i'm finished now with all the moving but i am waiting still for my ship to come - again!

love you got

MARRIAGE IN EQUALITY

how i proposed

i once thought god gave new york roaches so new jersey could laugh...now its us here who can look over there ...and well, not really laugh at new jersey, just at its governor!
help me!
what part of the political party game am i not getting?

after too long, "marriage equality" finally passed in new york state!
there are just so many people who do not understand what that means to gay couples.
"civil unions" never cut it  for me - equality is equality! besides the psychological implications that homosexuals are "less than" (what part of second class citizens dont you get?) there are the rights that go along with being married - the big one at hand for me is : if i would have chosen to marry a woman (that i could have even just met 24 hours ago) from another country, she would be entitled to all the rights of a married couple including a green card, which for immigration purposes (which is a federal, and not a state issue) would allow her to live in my country with me.

because i have chosen to marry the one i love, who is an alien, this being is not being granted a green card because he happens to be of the same gender that i am. we chose to get married in CANada where it was legal and recognized by a country outright ( before there was "marriage equality" in ny) and no matter he has lived and worked here for 34 years ( the last 24 with me) when he retires he has 30 days legally to remain here. talk about family values, my dear right wing brothers and sisters, you are ripping mine apart! 
it really doesnt seem to matter to the law makers how many divorces and affairs one has, as long as one (or both) is  heterosexual! (whose foot was that tapping in the men's room, at the airport a few years ago?) no matter that there is "a separation of church and state", these law makers go to just one of the holy books that exist on the planet (daring not to mention all the others) and use this as their "reason" to define marriage as being "between one man and one woman"...which really lacks reasoning if one looks at all the wives just king david himself had - completely over looking his first love for another man!

so here, the now governor of nj whose legislative body has just passed "marriage equality" says, "no!" to this long coming rite of passage, and vetos it...because  he'd rather have the people of the state vote on this issue for themselves. so what the f--- are representatives for?
gay marriage  is not what will take this country down...its the hypocritical politicians who're out playing games to become re-elected...and in this governor's case for  a possible place in washington!
when the vote comes up before the people, i believe they ought to be given the opportunity as well to veto mr christie eating out of the pork barrel!

all loves deserve the rite to be married, by god!

love you got

THERE IS A PLACE CALLED PARADISE

there is a place called "paradise" and its where i want to be living with my love!
"no where else" is not far from there, neither is "the promised land" or "the garden of eden"...yes, i have found ( not "discovered" - that is such a white man's thing!) heaven on earth! [now that belongs to nobody - its not just a christian thing! (and for the right wing politician who wants to know why everybody keeps "attacking" the christians,  man, maybe its karma for the crusades, or simply pay back now for the way right wing christians believe they have the rite to it all ?) go know...jesus didnt die for my sins - i was created in Original Bliss!]
its just a matter of time now...like waiting for that bus! or that shift...and then who knows what? could be that whats down under will come out on top? sure would save a lot of the throwing away of what i have got saved in order to get there with less - if i just knew...and so in the mean time, its like i have the chance to see my whole life flash before me before i "die" ("drop the body", remember?) in a way!  jesus, i had no idea heaven loves flashers so much! (oh you had better believe it...i even saw on TV once an X-bumper and grinder burlesque queen who now bills herself  as "a stripper for god"!)

stripping away the layers of "darkness" (well, actually, more like twilight), last night i heard my love say that he was experiencing us "...living in (that house) in joy in Paradise right now ", and by god, my prayer was answered! i have long lived in that reality, however its taken him a while to get here...like how long does it take to get out of living in fear...of never imagining the divine possibility of being able to manifest one's dream? hold on while i turn up the "let me entertain you" music, and i will show you a good time in no time!
in the mean time, now hear this, "the way the maya went, so too all illusions do!"

i love the word "prayer"...simply because the one who is doing the act...and the thing itself  is one and the same (in english any way) : the prayer is the prayer...just like mable ( my "TA" in the wings) says,
" by asking and asking i realized it is the ASKING itself!"  

{ and as i am want to pull the word [apart]...AS KING, by george, she's got it!}
she goes on from "over there" ( in the dimension to my rite) to address my question at the heart of this matter... "is  prayer really necessary?" :

hmmmmmmm...what is prayer to you? is it beseeching, requesting, knowing that you are it what you are requesting, receiving, communicating with God/Goddess within? 

in my awareness we don't really need to imagine wholeness ; we can open and receive, BE, perceive and Know  that we are whole...."imagining" still might create [ within] us [ the thought of being ] separate from what we "imagine"....

everything is perfect and everything is constantly expanding and there is evolution of all creation in process!  

for me prayer is the way i live...in other words my whole life is a prayer, calling to Spirit, co-creating with Spirit, partnering with Goddess/God! Each time when I ask : WEIP? or HDIGABTT? [*] i tap into the infinite field of the Void (in modern terms the quantum field) and pull from there, ever evolving. each time i ask what energy, space and consciousness can i be for xyz..... i call on the Void, the infinite nameless Goddess, the sacred of all sacreds to me! 

a few years back Goddess brought me right into the Void and asked me to "live from and in the Void"....which left me with the question: "HOW do i live from and in the Void in my daily life?" { Goddess, quantum field, feeling - female aspect of the Godhood as "opposed " to focus , male aspect of the Godhood }   HOW? and...by asking and asking i realized it is the ASKING itself! not knowing....so each question i ask and my willingness not to know but to Know is a prayer to me! it is deceptively simple this living in the question and not knowing (knowing with small k, with the mind) but immensely powerful beyond the cognitive mind can ever grasp!

so there you have it from on high!
its like this tome (no separation!): the more i get into my creative nature, i am trusting the rest of the shift will just take care of itself... never mind if i havent got a fan,  as king for one now (or even being "queen for a day" ) when the fan hits the shift, i know god will be coving my ass!

love you got (and mable too)

* read my future post in enlightenment with laughter : HDIGABTT? etc

EVERYONE NOW HERE IS PLAYING...NO BODY IS IN THE WINGS

no matter all my knowings, and all understandings, i am certain that i have no understudy for the part that i am playing now here, by god! no body is in the wings, besides there is no curtain , for certain to be dropped;  drama queens must just get over it!

ok...i'll just do that then! for now it seems i have been going through a lot of "stuff"...sorting out all sorts of saved things, sorting out the emotions ( at the seams ) that come up with that...in addition to going through the stuff that stuffs me up. {wasnt it janis joplin who sang "i got dem ole cosmic blues again?" (or something to that tune!)}  i am getting that i just must refuse the fuse!  (in reality, like lighting farts, there is no fuse there with which to get confused; in the end, we must accept, "life is a gas!"...so, "let 'er rip!" )

(i'm delighted to share this matchless inage, but cant say whose butt this is...

its just one of those things ...that i have saved!)

love you got



RUNNING OUT OF TIME ?

"be here now"

( be , cause nothing more now/here )

just catch up on life ( as it is )

love you got

WHEN NOTHING IS GOING, WRITE!

its one of THOSE days...i dont often get THEM...i guess its my turn "to be in the barrel" (an old sailor joke)!
mourning has broken me in two; i know however in truth (in the whirled dualities) there will  always be the choice of the "to haves" - even though we are whole (in the heart of god): the brighter half , and the other (the half knot...that keeps us at the end of our rope)!  its like a tie that i once found, that i havent worn out yet. the cryptic design is just script to be read vertically from the tip to the knot, and because its mirror image is also there, few get it : "go piss up a rope"! my feelings about wearing ties, actually, and for ties that bind me...to anything not of Love. ( the epitome now in feeling my low tide, right? ) the only other almost too cryptic to read thing i have is a button that looks like hebrew (lettering) only when the discerning eye really sees, it reads "go fuck yourself!" - perfect for the daze like today ( but not for the day the college nurse was checking my throat for a staff infection)!

and all i keep thinking is "what rite have i got to be depressed?" I AM a creative being, am i not?
its all about feeling, isnt it, and if i dont feel , it how can it be released? ( oh, a messenger from on high has just come to remind me there is a treasure in my pocket relating to all this to be considered only at playtime!)
it is in expressing myself, be it in writing or being "a ware of art", that i find healing comes!

right after new years mom fell, and had to be hospitalized...even though nothing was broken, she was in rehab until 2 weeks ago. older brother (  i find it hard to use that word for that relationship!) started to lay his shit on me again, as if he were the CEO of my life. i found it even harder to accept (now there is the key!) that my mother sat in the social worker's office, without saying anything to the contrary, while he went on claiming that he is the only one who does anything for his mother! (he's just come out of the "would work" for her...after years of putting her down!)

two weeks ago i found out my dog has heart problems.

last week i came home from work and listened to a message left on our answering machine from our primary care physician who instructed my love to see a cardiologist immediately! turns out my love thought he had had a heart attack the day before...but didnt think it was anything i should know about (yet)! the next day  after he saw the specialist, he was rushed to the emergency room, the day he was operated on...and the next, he came home!
yesterday he noticed his wedding ring had slipped off his finger...and its no where in sight to be found. i feel he lost it when he was getting the pork and chive dumplings out of the freezer case at the asian market...some dim sum in recovering it now!

in addition, i am being evicted from my old apartment, one that i have had since i first moved into the city in 1981; when i moved into my loves, i still kept the lease just in case i would want to return there to have a bath, or to use as my studio once again ( after all it IS a studio apartment!). i have rented it to friends so they might have a decent rent, with the understanding that on occasion, when guest were staying here, my love and i would be invited to sleep there.

maybe it was the concert last night at the UN marking the first anniversary for the japanese tsunami victims. it was dreadful! if they played music like that, it might have turned back the tide! it could have brought back the dead....

who knows...i just feel done for the day! like tears could flow at any time for all that doesnt feel right now...and yet all is right now...the very present is perfect, because I AM!
acceptance of what is, is the key to feeling joyful...maybe not happy, however {justly} joyful!

and so in this awareness i must ask myself, "what part of the illusion am i not understanding?"

love you got

I SHALL BE RELEASED

i am not talking like a pop tune...i am not talking like an old house...i am not talking like a hand job...i am talking like job, himself!
and god, i simply cant wait for that final orgasm, which is beyond conception just now, the one that "death" will be delivering { in time, in time }...never mind all those "tiny deaths" which we experience when we sneeze (...the  whole reason for saying "god bless you" when we do...as if we needed a reason to know we are blessed, or kneaded one, for that matter, as well)!
so now i am on the way of becoming like my old 45s and my 78s...not to mention the tapes i made playing with my battery operated tape recorder. and what is to become of my genius recorded on those floppy discs and the hard ones as well...and how long before my CDs even are unplayable for the downloading of bliss- full experiences to be had again? i am not a digital native by any means...but a loss is a loss...that is, if anything might ever be lost in an illusion except Reality!

i still have all my carbon copies of  letters i wrote...and i wrote and wrote, being a man of letters, if not of images... i have boxes and boxes of photo negatives as well as shelf after shelf of photo albums...after life to be documented through these pop-eyes!
going  to a point and shoot took time...going digital in photography took me even longer, but not as long as writing on a PC! i still have some of those ink cartridges that went into a "fountain" pen! i still have a bottle of ink for the real quill tipped pens,even. i still have saved my papers on which i learned how to print!
and i still have ink on my screen from when i tried to get an image of one of my rubber stamps into an e-mail! (and its beyond me why i-Page wont see to refund my $$$ for "back up and storage" when i recently canceled my account with them ...because i had  created nothing to be backed up. am i missing something?)

what happens to all the stuff that technology turns to trash? will the earth become the universe's "mt. trashmore" like the one in virginia beach under where my old undies lie?
what about books?  i cant wrap my eyes around reading on an electrical tablet! can you imagine god handing the ten commandments to moses in a kindle?  i can accept cuneiform not really being in fashion...{"oh shit man, i just lost my clay tablet with all my passwords on it!"} go know, i never really even learned to type! i fell in love with the pen, is still  my instrument of passion as i am composing (actually just transcribing the words as they are given to me for) my poetry ...however, the punctuation is always up to me!
what about those dial phones? my love and i still do not own a cell phone...just dont want one! and go know, a phone that takes photos...ohhh no, thank you! where is that old pin hole image maker? ( yes, prick by prick, that was indeed a delightful way - in the beginning- to be discovering the glory, whole and full of wonder for capturing what was becoming fast fading for the pleasure of history as it was!)
{smoke signals ? works well, except in forest fires when all lines seem to get jammed!}
confession: i have never text-ed anyone (my fingers are too big to write to even god ...on one)!

its all about communication isnt it? i do recall reading (ironical) that it was the invention of paper that gave birth to "trash". (man, there isnt a newspaper today that is not trash; however, in hind sight, it is all the trash that has been my fodder for collage...cant imagine doing that with stones...just would be the death of my scissors!) { what? no more "paper stones or scissors?}

i dream that when all is gone, when the last dust particle is blown away after the last manyan code has been cracked, or when the  mormons find their "lost arc" in mexico or guatemala, that all we will  need to get our point across, or to star in our holy hologram of reality is to put our hearts together to just know that we are one! what more needs to be said? jesus knew!

as my friend ,mable ( in the wings) has written:  so many stories! when you go beyond your mind...you don't have any mind-created stories to tell...just awareness to share!

love you got

" KEEP ON TRUCKIN' "

                                                         the more i am all-owing god
                                                              to be my prime mover
                                                                  the more i am
                                                                       released
                                                                            

                                                         mr. natural says, "keep on truckin!"



MY HEART BELONGS TO TASSIE

hey, if this was what adam had, i'll bite!
hey, if this is where dorothy landed, fuck kansas! and hey, if this is to where i am moving to because my country will not give my love a green card, fuck the US!

it took me a long time to come to terms with karma!
like isnt that the real game we are here to figure out? { "whats mine is mine, and whats gods is gods"...and the wise have come to know, "its all god's!"}
my father tried to get me to understand this; in his words of wisdom : " if your gandmother had balls, she'd be your grandfather!"
both my grandfathers had balls;  but thats another story!
ok, as a story teller i cant resist... i will take you in, to see just a bit of what my  raising was like:
as a youngster, i remember being bounced on grandpa walter's knee while he sang to me," a rabbi sat on the railroad tracks...' forgot to say his bruchahs ( blessings)...along came the 5:15 and knocked him in the tuchas (ass)."  this is the same man who worked in haberdashery all his life. when he saw a patsy, which he himself was, and to whom was given that for a nic-name, he would have that unsuspecting and trusting man lie down on the floor to have his body be traced in order to figure out his suit size! grandpa also wrapped up rabbit turds in fancy candy paper once and gave them to the one who was his competition for grandma's hand! my other grandpa, sam, was out on the pro-test lines, getting his head busted for being a socialist and helping to create the bakers union!

it took me a long time to come to terms with "as above so below" aint necessarily so!
in getting rid of stuff, there is a lot of mental and emotional stuff that needs to be released as well if  "enlightenment or bust!" is one's calling.
the more i am at one with "thy will be done" the more i am "out of here!"
however, like grandpa sam, i am a freedom fighter. just today i wrote to immigration equality:

personally i am livid that this president -"a person of color" - could treat another group living as "second class citizens" in his land with such disrespect [ refusing to issue green cards to the alien spouse in a bi-national marriage/relationship ]...never mind knowing he has a race to win !

i, like many, have fought for his people's right to become free only to see this is what i/we get in return. i have gotten sick over this matter, over facing to chose to stay with my aging mother, or leave my homeland to live with my love of 23 years, Down Under.

its not about picking cotton any more for the carpet baggers...its about being one family in the land of the free.

 

so in scouting out new lands like a johny apple seed, i came upon the apple isle with my love.

it was on that first trip there, that i was taken out of myself, in the myrtle forest at the weldborough pass.

i had walked somehow into a gathering of the elders, and although i couldnt see them, i heard them and their music. although the walk was just to take 15 min, i was in there for god knows how long, and when i came out, i reported to my love that "something happened to me in there!" and then i knew i could release my fight into the hands of the spirits of the land. my broom stick is all fueled up, and lubed for take off, as soon as the go ahead is given by god!

 

love you got (aka myrtle)