Razmatasmania

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

ON THE GO-OF GOD

what part of the illusion am i not getting?
if no-thing is here, including myself (including my "thing"- now, thats a big one to take into "my" consciousness!) who then is doing all this "conceptual" art/work?
call me a dick head, if you'd like, because i am thinking (hear) it is all connected - one way or another - to my "thing" wanting in on the {creative} action, for it is connected to "me", the way i am to god, no?

evidently, i am having this obsession over creating...that is, i am creating over my limit of the "space" at hand in which i have to save! does any other artist deal with this issue? why do we create if we have to release it ?

if i am wanting to do a cabbalistic (spell check-ed up to "cannibalistic") rite to The Word...i can see GOD
                                         as :     G- the giver of life
                                                    O- the observer of life and
                                                    D- the destroyer of life

so whats my fucking problem? (ought i eat god, like a good christian, and burp my karma to hell?)
if god can ...i'd rather choose "dis-create" than destroy...why am "i" having such a friggin hard time over it?
and go know, he has all the space in the world (right?!) to save if he wants to, and still destruction comes!
maybe "transform" is the best re-placement?

maybe -just maybe- i am working out "my" way to enlightenment by releasing illusion after illusion! i have heard from enlightened masters that after the ego gos, the last to go is the thought of god, go know!
is it possible that enlightenment too is just another illusion in this mind game of gods? if god created man as his companion, is it a possible thought he wasnt having enough fun just playing with himself? (not to press any gay buttons here, but why didnt god create a woman first? hmmm, maybe in other creation stories before the male matrix came into power by force, She did?)

somewhere in a box - still to be reckoned with : (as in) "does this stay or is this too on the GO OF god?"- is my set of "color forms"...those neon-primary colored shapes of thin plastic that a child could stick to the fridge if one lost his/her originally included laminated board. as an artistic fledgling, i was out finding other creative places to stick them...like on the tv, on my head, or down my pants, go know! now, what if color forms are the key to all creation?

sorry "my" mind could just not stop there : what if we took the "color" away and just replaced the word with "thought" ? then we'd be playing with "thought forms", right!
ohh, now this is very appealing to a conceptual being such as myself...never mind the man who was his own grandfather, could it be that i am my own creation of a thought form ?
ok, god, stick me wherever you like ( just not too fast on the earth again, please)!
but dear me, if i am my own thou-ght form, do i need to release my self in the end to reach the god head?

why do we create if we have to release the creation?
maybe it would do me good to consider this thought:  "why work oneslf up to a climax if not to have an orgasm ?"

i have succeeded again to blow myself away! ulti-mately, this is the rush i get out of creating!

love you got

Monday, April 23, 2012

WE ARE ALL DYING TO FIND OUR LIFE PURPOSE

come on god, brigadoon me!

god, how many courses have i seen advertised about finding one's life purpose ?
{could be as many as the number of angels dancing on the head of a pin - although there has been some
confusion about that...even as far back as the midevil daze} and never mind any 12 step program...its just one big leap ( for spiritual-kind ) as far as i am aware of such!
we are here {dare i speak up for all?} to re-member GOD! and nothing more !

kinda makes a farcical circus about all the stuff we think...we are...going through!
like all those boxes i am going through ( to find myself ?) in order to remember not to put myself into any box...any more, if i ever did ( more than the "human" one, that is !) and at this point pining for a pine one, doesnt matter - one way or another ; simply put : we are all dying to find our life purpose !
(god, you know what i mean!)

besides being a self professed fool, (conceptual - more than not) artist (cum visual poet) comes closest to what has given me meaning here so far {whilst not forgetting the irreverent reverend that i am ,as well }and here-in lies the rub (a dub dub) :
how can i be releasing my physical creations ( the by products of "my" imagination ) and still be who i believe i am? all of this that i am doing is in order to make the move "down under Down Under" a lighter trip...so why on earth am i "all-owing" my self to get upset about all this...when i am in Truth if not just a divine thought by god, not here at all? ( is ego-bashing spiritually correct?)

i look out my hell's kitchen studio window and see how the pricey condos and shi-shi shops are closing in...literally "they" are taking away our sky, pulling up our sidewalks! (go know, maybe the drug pushers and prostitutes who gave this place its character when i first got here, werent so bad after all!)
there is the still the drilling of the blasted water tunnel going on one block over. (hey, i wonder if i can collect anything from the government for being shell shocked - even though in reality i am not wanting to collect anything more these days than my self composure?)
there is con ed out front digging up the street.
there is the construction of a gay bar happening directly under me...soon to open, and thereafter to be open from 11am-4am ! i dont have to wait for any greater shift to happen, the floor as i write, is literally doing that under me now!
i want out of here!!!

there has not been a day in three years that i have not felt, "i'd rather be in tassie!"
and yet the time(ing) must be right...this we know, and by choice -
the completion of one creation before moving on to the next. (how many times did it take god to get this one right?) (hmmm, but did she ???) is that what i am/we are here for?
personally, i am not into multi-tasking; and if i choose to not work with even "call waiting" - and we are not talking cell or smart phones even - then parallel universes can be put on hold for sure too!

let me live one life at a time...however more and more, god knows, i cant help it, i am becoming aware that i am living multi-dimensionally (which spell check just wanted to change to "dementia'") !

i am re-learning, by god.
i am re-membering my life purpose...but,
come on god, brigadoon me...just for today!

love you got

Friday, April 20, 2012

I AM A RE-CREATION SPECIALIST

i have spent two days this week reviewing two boxes overflowing with headlines which i once thought i'd use in my collage work. imagine the time it took me to "read" the papers that way...after all were done with them, that is ! it came naturally to me by seeing the double meanings and all the ways the words were meant for playing but weren't...no matter how closely they were set.

when did my addiction begin? looking back, i believe i had my first "rip fix" before i did the pleasure of masturbating...long before becoming a man at 13! maybe that is why i have never felt any difference between the creative act (which is always a spiritual one in my mind anyway) and the erotic one (any way)...coming like an artful expression, out of my mind!

i know i havent ripped any news up of late, (not physically, anyway!) however the occasional candy wrapper on the street is still picked up...with playfulness in mind, yet i have not been lacking in my erotic undertakings one bit! underlining my creations forever it seems now, is no doubt the desire for recognition ( i'm an artist, what's your excuse?) to wit : "see how brilliant i am !"

i needed that ( like most artist's in sight) since i wasnt for playing with the "how to succeed in business" route which my brothers were getting off on...go know, i'm still not!

the two above mentioned boxes are just the tip of "the iceberg hits the headline" story.

in some way, "having (all that) stuff" kept me grounded, kept me here. god knows where i'd be without it...however now i mean to find out! i know i needed to get to this point to recognize, acknowledge, and ulti-mately feel it no longer serves me...never mind i havent done anything with it, but move it from one place to another...i'm OK! - there are worse things to drag about...like empty hearts, and hateful minds!

i just sent a "found poem" from my fodder to my earth angel who is assisting me with "letting go"... in actuality, "lift off" is in my face! upon realizing i may have saved even more than jesus, she just delivered my next lesson ( and i am sharing it for the highest good of all - the reason all art is ):

here's a question: what are you choosing that you could be truly loosin' ...that if you lost it, it would change all realities and non-realities and manifest as the pure, radiant YOU in bliss, and your dream life - beyond your imagination - with total ease?

what are you refusing, that you could be truly choosin' ... that if you chose it . it would change all realities and non-realities and manifest as you BEing, receiving and Knowing YOU?

LIKE, WOW, WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE? (what a present!!)

love you got